Rebelle ♥ Gnol

World AIDS Day: "Double R, Double P Week"

2010-11-28T12:14:00.000+08:00

Show your support.

Drama queen

2010-07-30T11:32:00.007+08:00

I’m a girl with many moods and sides. I can be angry, cheerful, funny, reserved, shy, sweet, loud, twisted, straight up and many more. At UNI, I try to avoid conflicts with other people, i go straight to the point and get things done(although this isn't the case sometime). I like action points. It's like bam bam bam. Done.

However, my boyfriend tends to bring out the drama queen side of me. Yes, drama queen. He calls me a drama queen!. “I’m not dramatic, I’m just right!”I exclaim very often. Bf remains silent. He knows better than to agree with me, which is a lie. And to disagree, which will get him into a whole lot of trouble.

So he just looks at me, smiles, makes little jokes and changes the topic to something less serious which kind of works given that I’m easily distracted. But at other times, he would keep quiet and give me the deadly silent treatment as a sign of his disappointment. And this would usually resulted in a very big fight!

So i am, ladies and gentleman, a very dramatic girl, someone who is prone to her many moods even though when i'm clearly not PMS-ing. Although PMS seems to create more moodiness in me.

I think I’m bitchier with my boyfriend because I can get away with it. People say that it’s when you don’t react is the time when you start not caring and I think it’s very true. Despite my many unpredictable moods which for many reasons drive my boyfriend up the wall, we’re still going strong.

One year and a half...that is how strong we are. Can you believe that we have reached our one year? And now it’s been 16 months. How time flies. :D

He’s seen me cry, coldly talk to him to discuss about an issue, scream, pull out a tantrum with him and so many more. And he’s still freaking here. So unbelievable.

Okay, so I’m not actually the easiest girl to be with in the world. But hey, everyone has their quirks and twists.

So fights happened to my boyfriend and I. It’s not always happy happy marshmallow, you know.

However, whenever I say some bullshit things like we’re not meant to be, he will stop me and say we’ll go through this together. He knows the storm will calm and that in the end, we will realise that we truly care for each other and that we will make each other happy so long as we stick with each other through the bad times.

The sun shines brightly after a huge storm anyway.

So here we are, Gnol and I.

Me, making tamtrum because I can, and for some reason, he still loves me despite of it.

There is hope in the world after all. It’s just up for us to find it.

HAPPY 16th Monthsary to the most patience boyfriend in the world.

And i love you.

p/s: Baby, you're like the butter to my bread. The breathe to my life.

Huba huba

2010-06-06T10:03:00.006+08:00

Dear Robert Downey, Jr (Mr. Tony Stark a.k.a Iron man):

I just wanted to let you know that I've watched the first 60 seconds of this video about 12 times in the last 15 minutes(my sisters can attest to this fact). I don't know anything about you as an actual person, so all of my references in this letter will be based on what I have learned about you in the Iron man movie and this trailer video, specifically those 60 seconds or so of the trailer video that I have just previously mentioned.

First of all, I have been searching for a technology on the internet that allows me to put my face over the face of the blonde girl(Gwyneth paltrow?) in the Iron man 2 movie. I have yet to locate it.

Secondly, I completely understand your need to save people, make the world a better place and show off your heroic stunts. I feel like I am in the same position, however have neither the Hollywood good looks or the kick ass acting talents to get me the things I want in life. When you have those things, people just hand whatever you want to you, like beautiful significant others and cool huge penthouse apartments in New York living with a drop dead gorgeous landlord with a sexy British accent who lets you have orgies and parties going on everynight.

Thirdly, I would like YOU to be my hot significant other. I feel Gwyneth paltrow and I have a lot in common, but also differ enough that our relationship would be new and refreshing once your relationship with her crumbles. For example, Gwyneth is blond and tall. I, however, am a brunette and awkwardly short. Exciting, no? She is a successful person who became the CEO of stark company and later fell in love with you. I am an average student who doesn't have a true knack in business and technology. See what I'm getting at here my sweetness? Different and exciting.

I'm sure at first it might take a little persuading, considering you are not actually Tony Stark in real life, but I'm willing to look past that. I'm also willing to look past the fact that you're old enough to be my dad. But what the hell, i have always had a thing for older men.

I don't ask for much you sexy devil.

Kisses and love
Belle.

p/s: Baby gnol, you don't mind sharing, do you?. :p

Quick update part 1

2010-05-26T08:25:00.000+08:00

Hello there.

Just laying in bed after an eventful week.

As you all may know, the semester break has started again...so I've been pretty busy dancing, trying to do all the things that i haven't been able to do during my hiatus weeks. But other than that, life has been pretty easy going.

Here's a little rundown of what happened during my hiatus weeks:

So the reason for the lack of updates was because I was really busy with preparing myself for the exams. And i didn't have much time to do anything else. I was home-quarantined during that time.

I sat for five papers this semester which made me not only want to puke and jump off a cliff, but also sometime give myself a little pat on the back! wohh! Exam week was insane.

I also drank coffee for the first time to keep me alert on the night of my exam and it was definitely not a pleasant experience. My tongue writhed in agony over the burnt black bitterness...yes, even with cream it still tastes like burnt charcoal. I swear to god, coffee left me with a heartburn the next morning. Ahhh..the things i do for UBD.

My first cup of coffee

I did have a bit of time for dancing. There was the dance that i did at Mall Gadong for the Who's Got Talent competition. Another one before the assignment week for UBD's Earthday...then another dance at the JP Amphiteatre for the Telbru roadshow. Another one at Kiulap for the IGS roadshow just before the exam ended. The last one was at the mall for Snappbeatz production. So in the month of April to May, i did a total of 5 performances.

UBD's earthday

Feat-Dee on Earthday

Rehearsal at the mall

Feat-Dee for WGT

At the mall,for snappbeatz production

Telbru carnival

Feat-Dee at Jp Amphi

I just realised that this blog isn't very exciting anymore. *sigh*

Maybe I'll go speedracing or commit a crime tonight to spice things up a bit and tell you all about it here.

Note: ( I won't. I'll try to find work.)

p/s: I choose you everytime,baby.

Hai....i'm back

2010-05-26T08:21:00.003+08:00

I'm genuinely sorry

2010-05-22T10:50:00.012+08:00

Hello you,

I'm writing this because i've been such a big potty-mouth bitch to people and I often didn't mean the things I said. And most of the time i have to admit that i was just being a real big snob.

There were many varying external and internal factors(such as PMS....duh) that caused me to act as such, but, really, i know i shouldn't be blaming on anything because it was my own decision to treat people badly, not whatever shitty thing that was going on in my life.

I really like you, i swear. I pretty much like everyone else too, unless they are really horrible and bitchy towards me. Even then, MAYBE there could be some redeeming quality about them. Perhaps they are really good at making babies.

So, really, i guess what I'm trying to say in the least direct way possible is that i'm sorry for being mean to a lot of people lately, because sometimes i just feel the need to get my points across and people may interpret my bluntness in a different way. I often come home and feel really incredibly horrible afterwards, but didn't know how to apologize without being embarrassed or telling you the exact reason why I was being so horrible to you, which would probably make me more embarrassed than anything ever.

I'm a nice girl, i swear. Just sometimes i suck really hard.

(not penises)

p/s: I'm back! Did anyone miss me?

Inside my bag

2010-04-08T11:34:00.002+08:00

One of my oldest handbag and it is still one of my favs. Check out the twins! lol

I came across this website today http://www.insidemybag.com/ and for purely narcissistic reason i decided to go through my collection of bags just to see what is in them.

I discovered that there are certain items that will always be in my bag, even if I have not used it for months. Some people believe that you can tell a lot about a person depending what's in their bag. I believe that it is indeed true.

Regardless, I hope the contents of my bag do not make you don't want to be friends with me. Hah!

So here i present you with my top 7.

1) Lip gloss, face-powder and black eyeliner.

These are the three essentials that will never leave my bag. If i were to go stranded in an island, these three things would prolly still be with me!

2) Pens.

There will always be pens. Always. Reason for this is because i don't actually own a pencil case. So any stationary i own will be automatically dumped inside my bag. Those pens, however, will never be able to be found because it escapes away to the deepest bowels of my bag whenever I need it to actually write anything down. Often, I have to resort to forgetting everything.

3) Some piece of crumpled up paper or tissue.

I don't know how to dispose paper waste appropriately, apparently. And i don't know what's in it. Boogers & mucous, probably, but you'd never know.

4) A pack of gum with either one piece of gum left that doesn't really look good or a completely empty pack of gum.

I really don't understand why this happens. I remember buying the gum and then chewing one or maybe two pieces, but never the entire pack. Why would I put an empty pack of gum back into my bag? Really.

5) Some pieces of jewelleries.

Usually earrings that i would never wear.

6) Contact lens case and glasses

I wouldn't want to walk into the wall now, do i? Besides, it makes it easier for my transition from glasses to lenses or vice versa. This is why i always keep them handy

7) A lonely one cent

Never anything good. Even a fifty cent will be ok, but that's too much to ask apparently.

p/s: I will never betray your love.

Belle has been missing for a month now- HELP!

2010-03-28T14:22:00.008+08:00

I'm guessing this is how my ad would look like if i were to go missing. :D

Holy fuck.

It's been a while.

No worries,i'm back now.

Forgive me blog for i have forgotten about you for quite sometime now. I admit i have been cheating on you for twitter. I can't just seem to balance my love for both of you. So if we can just forget the whole thing and move on, i promise i won't be a neglectful lover and treat you better from now on.

And to all of my faithful readers...i'm sorry that my blog skills have been lacking. I promise that I will update more often when really hillarious things happen to me. Like the time when i farted infront of a group of indonesians. Ahaha..you might not find it funny but i did!

On a side note, it would be very helpful if you guys can ask UBD not to give so much assignments to the students. All of this Uni stuff is really killing my social life. When there is less work to do, more time for me to blog. Although i'm most likely to utilize that free time for a nap. :D

Also, my bf has been monopolizing my time lately but i'm not even the least bit upset about it. He's pretty cool and it's just so hard not to want to be with him all the time!

Footnote: Hey you stupid fat pig, i know you're still stalking my twitter, talking crap about me and trying to recruit more low-life losers like YOU to hate me. Get a life. Go to the gym. Get a frigging nose job.

p/s: Baby marcell, you are my life.

Kids nowadays....

2010-03-06T12:03:00.012+08:00

I never thought I would say this, but kids nowadays seem so much smarter and know about things that I had no clue about when I was their age. I guess it's like this with every generation but with the media and all it's even worse, kids know way too much. I know I was told about stuff when i was already grown up and even that i had to find about it out myself.

This brings me to the topic which riles me up really badly. Sex. Kids know it all these days and from such a young age too, like my youngest sister she knew it all in graphic details from the age of 9 (and yes I'm talking about the sex). They even know the meanings of words such as BJ and HJ and i know that this is not normal.

Is it me or the world has gone loco? I can't even remember anything about being 10 knowing about such sensitive topics and the only time I knew about the basics of sex was when i was 13 or 14 years old. I was oblivious to everything around me till then.

When i was teaching primary six students last year, i caught them talking about sex. Utterly shocked, i asked each one of them ‘What do you know about sex?’ And the answers they gave me were quite surprising. I would have expected this from form 3 students, but from primary six? These are girls and boys aged 9 and 10 are they are saying things like this, not just saying but they actually know the meanings of such word. I asked them again ‘How do you all know about this?’. And the answers they gave me were hands down unanimous. Friends seemed to be the number one culprit here. One student said ‘i also found out from watching the stash of blue films that my dad kept in his ‘well-hidden’ drawers. Ahhhh.

I gave them a little telling off after that but nothing too severe, I mean what can you really say?

Gahhh...i shudder at the thought that one day my children will know about sex at a much earlier age. So i was thinking about the solutions to the matter and all i can really think off is:

1) Lock them inside a cage and prevent them from having any whatsoever contact with the outside world at all.

2) Get them home-schooled.

3) No tv, no internet, no nothing till the age of 13, no scratch that, 15. 16?

4) Don’t have kids at all, saves the pain of having to worry about this.

Sounds pretty extreme, isn’t it? But really i’m left with no other options. Don't get me wrong, i'm not at all a prude. I may actually be one of the most secular muslim you will ever meet. I just like the idea of retaining my child's innocence as long as i can. Childhood should be about toys & candies, not dildos and condoms. Geddit.

p/s: I love you my numbskull

11 monthsary greeting

2010-03-03T02:34:00.000+08:00

One more month baby & you and i will make history.

I love you today as I have from the start. And I'll love you forever with all of my heart.

p/s: Siuk tdur dlantai dgn baby dmlm

I'm a pig...so what?

2010-02-26T15:09:00.010+08:00

My temple of dirtiness. hah

Ok, so i have a confession to make.

I am one of the messiest person you will ever meet. Okay maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but my room is a cluttered mess. Towels on the floor and clothes strewn about. My room can only be entered when wearing a full body hazmat suit after a tetanus booster.

I have a lot of problems with cleaning my room because to be honest, it just gets messy all over again. And i also tend to throw clothes on the floor when i'm in a hurry to go out, thinking that I'll fold or hang them later. You guess,they are still on that very same floor, weeks later. When the messiness starts to bother me, that's when I pick them up.

When i was growing up, my parents were constantly yelling at me to clean my room. I just think it's unfair that i got scolded for this because I only use my room to get dressed in and to sleep. They shouldn't really blame me for my clothes being all over the floor. I just don't have the time to constantly clean it. Besides, it saves major time by being messy. If i were to spend 10% of my time to clean up my room everyday, that leaves only 90% for me to do other more important stuff. And 90% isn't really that much of a time. Mind you, my sleeping activity alone has already taken 20% of it.

However,my pigsty of a room does get cleaned every once in a while. I'm not a complete slob,you know. When i do get it cleaned, i make sure everything is spotless. However, I just don't see the point of making it spotless everyday. I think i will always be this way. Bad habits are just so hard to wear off. *sigh*

Besides my room, nearly every other part of my life is organised. Although, most of the time i do wish to clean my room more often. It'll be cool to find something i need without having to tear up the whole room.

Ok, i'm thinking of deleting this post. What if a future employer reads this? This wouldn't look good for my job application. I don't think anybody in their right mind would want to hire a slob like me. Hah!

p/s: little baby piggy wants her baby

I love i love

2010-02-21T14:52:00.002+08:00

Feat-D

Quick update

2010-02-11T23:08:00.002+08:00

Holy crap. It's been forever!

In my defence, I've had a really busy week with assignments, dancing and all. You see, my group is thinking of joining the B.mobile's 'who's got talent 2' competition and now we're still deciding whether to submit our video to the web or not.

So I apologize to my readers. I know you've all hounded me for a new blog entry, so this one is gonna be doozy!(Yeah right)

My week has been pretty boring and dull. Just been at campus studying, dancing and going home to sleep. I have assignments piling up like crazy. And i still haven't got around to get them all done.

Early this week, i have been nothing but a grumpy sour puss. I mean, there was a reason for feeling in such way(Girls!? ya feel me?) but still...it sucked. I still haven't got my allowance yet and this reason alone fueled my sadness & depression. I got to say i'm a bit jealous watching others flaunting their new high heels which they bought using their allowance money. Urgh, i have so much to buy, yet so little money.

Talking about yesterday...

Yesterday was different. It was one of the happiest days in my life. I was stoked on things. Things have seriously been looking up for me.Yes,i feel the butterflies feeling again. :)

Oh anyway, i'm going on a special date this Sunday with the boyfriend. It's pretty much going to be so ace. I cannot wait wait wait! We're just going to have a good time and not think about what people say about valentines day. This will be my 1st valentine's day celebration with someone whom i really really love.

Side note: WHAT IS WITH THIS WEATHER!? All of a sudden mother earth was like, 'Hey, let's make it 30 gazillion degrees out! Sounds like a good idea to me, hope belle doesn't mind!' WRONG mother earth.

I need to go shower now.

Blog, I promise to never go this long without posting AGAIN!

p/s: Baby porque..love you

Facebook sucks

2010-02-06T10:02:00.000+08:00

It gets me enraged looking on facebook.

-Girls are getting drunk, showing off their beers and alcoholic drinks, looking like hoochies.

-People showing off their 'photoshoot' pictures.

-Girls calling themselves models.

-People my age are getting married

-Girls my age are pregnant and having babies.

Ugh. It's so weird.

Would it kill people to be normal?

Or maybe I'm just a bitter snob.

It's no wonder i hate facebooking.

PJ night

2010-02-05T11:31:00.004+08:00

We had a small get-together last saturday. We went to have our dinner and watched movies..... in our pyjamas! I had fun. It's good to see the old friends.

p/s: i love you my sleeping buddy.

Happy 10 monthsary baby

2010-02-01T23:43:00.005+08:00

Laughing with him, holding hands, going out to dinner, kissing & hugging each other, having someone open doors for me and walking with the security of his hand on the small of my back. Sounds sappy yeah? but these are some of the things that makes me feel whole.

p/s: i love you

I love you my baby kucing

2010-02-01T23:24:00.005+08:00

I’m abit ashamed to admit that my relationships never lasted more than 9 months. Yes,i 've never had a one year anniversary. This was partly due to the fact that i never really did take any of my past relationships seriously. You see, i treated guys like disposable tissues. It's like when i’ve had enough use of one, i get rid of it then move to another fresh batch of tissues.

It was just recently that i started to take my relationships seriously. What changed me? I don’t know... maybe it was that one relationship that left me devastated in the end? Or maybe it’s because I’ve matured enough to stick with only one guy. Or maybe I’ve met the right one?

I’ve been hurt by my past relationships and so i maintain an air of fear and doubt about what the future holds for me. I’m just afraid that anything in the future will be just as scary, will end as badly, will be as fear filled and will hurt me more and cause me to become bitter and cynical. So now I’m in a relationship with this one great guy whom I’m so obsessively in love with. Although our relationship feels quite secured and stable, i still have this cloud of fear lingering in my mind. I’m worried that he will leave me for someone else. I’m worried that he might get bored of me. God I’m truly scared of the work of karma. I’ve hurt too many people in the past, there is a chance that someone might hurt me again in the future.

So now 9 months have passed by, I celebrated the passing of each month with a long ‘phewww’. Tonight marked the 10th month of my relationship with my current boyfriend. So the relationship I’m in right now is by far the longest and the best relationship ever. He is an amazing guy and has stuck by me through the worst times of my life. We’re still going strong and I’m absolutely in love with him.

Baby, happy 10th monthsary syg. And i love u so much.

p/s: If it's not so much to ask...Can you be mine forever...please?

My boots are not made for walking

2010-01-25T17:54:00.016+08:00

An old pic of mine wearing the glorious bootsie

You know what i love more than high heels? Boots. I’m obsessively in love with boots. I go ridiculously insane when i see boots on sale. I think wearing boots really boost up an outfit and gives a sense of coolness to it, be it with a simple dress or even a mix match of knee length skirt with high boots. And they look best when you have your pants tucked in inside them! It makes an outfit look so chic and they are marvellous style-wise!

However, what stops me from wearing those boots in public places is the unwanted attentions i get from people. Yes, if you have noticed, the fashion world of boots is limited to only the colder countries. Boots don’t really mix with the tradition, culture and more importantly the WEATHER in Brunei.

When i was younger, i used to wear boots to everywhere i go. And i got to experience first-hand on how badly people will treat you when you dress differently. Wearing boots invite countless more snide remarks and the occasional sarcastic questions of ‘Winter kah dbrunei ani?' and also comments like ‘Artis artis’, ‘sajuk eh dbrunei ane rupanya’, ‘salah negeri, bukan UK ne’...yes i’ve heard it all. And not to forget, the looks i get from people. I get alot of the sideways glances. Sometimes a full-out stare which always makes me want to say something like ‘Hey, take a picture it'll last longer!’.

Now that i’m older, i try to avoid drawing too much attention towards me. Because of that, i no longer wear boots as freely as i used to in the past. I could only wear them on special occasions, when i’m out with my girls or when i go out to party. However, i do still want to wear them on a daily basis or when it matches with the skirt that i wear on a particular day. The only question is do i have the guts to pull it off?

Yes yes yes, i am very aware of the weather constraint of wearing them in Brunei. I know it would be totally insane to wear them out in the sun. They aren't really practical as the weather can get very hot and smoggy here during the day. But we've been having cold days this couple of weeks. So is it ok to wear them now?

To answer my question, i did a little research over the internet and found out that ladies in the cold countries wear boots when the temperature falls below 75-80 degrees.

So basically it means that the best time to wear boots is when the temperature falls below 75 degrees Fahrenheit(that’s an equal to 23 degrees celsius in Brunei). And since it is the raining season at the moment, temperature can fall as low as 22 degrees (75 Fahrenheit) in the evening. So i think it's ok to wear them now. And for someone like me, who has only subcutaneous fat of 3% (that’s the fat layer under your skin) i easily get cold. I need all the heat i can get. And boots can really help me warm up during this kind of time.

So girls, the general rule to wearing boots in Brunei is fairly simple, wear them in the evening. You can also wear them when it gets cold. It is fine to wear them at places where the temperature gets so cold like Empire cinema & Ripas(who wears boots to the hospital anyway?). Hell,when you're as skinny as me, you have the privilege to wear them because you're excused. Neutral-coloured boots such as white or brown would also work best during any time of the day.

The final rule is to just suck it up, be brave and ignore what people think of you. There will always be some rude, rasang & uncivilised people out there who just won’t stop acting like monkeys. So all you can really do is just put on a pretty tough skin. I think one must be brave where fashion is concern. These days, i see alot of hip girls just go for it regardless of the weather. Bravo! I salute them for their bravery.

While all of these tips won't necessarily eliminate stares and rude comments, it will better prepare us to deal with the awkward situations. So the next time someone gives rude comments to you, you can always reply back ‘Hey, it’s 75 degrees out here and it’s perfectly fine for me to wear these boots to keep me warm. You on the other hand have no use of them because that fat body of yours is more than enough to keep you warm, so shut up now blubber face.‘

Tell me, does anyone else find that they get way too much attention when wearing boots in public? Particularly from those categories of uncivilised people who are prone to loud and demonstrative expressions? I know this one person who is afraid to wear boots in public in fear of being called ‘poklen’.

I honestly don't see anything wrong with wearing boots in brunei provided that we know how to match them with the right clothes and at the right time. What bothers me only, is just society. People in Brunei just need to be more open-minded with this kind of thing.

With all this babbling of mine about, you would think i will have the courage to wear them out in public? You think wrong. Ahaha..Afterall i'm still a wimp.

p/s: baby porque, aku syg baby.

Bf's family picnic

2010-01-18T23:12:00.004+08:00

Just some pictures from the picnic.

p/s: baby nikita loves baby nakata so much!

Lunch out with the geologists

2010-01-14T22:23:00.003+08:00

I had lunch with the geology mates just before the second semester starts. Oh and i came to love Aulait cafe so much. Nobody has ever told me that the food is that good!

p/s: Baby,my plutonic love for you will never metamorphose.

New year's swim

2010-01-12T20:48:00.006+08:00

Just something we did on NY. My sister and her bestie were also there to join the swim fun.

p/s: Baby, me little mermaid baby kan?

New year's eve countdown + Bella's birthday

2010-01-11T19:55:00.017+08:00

So after the wedding reception which bf and i had to attend on new year's eve, we rushed to empire to meet up with the friends. By the time we reached empire, it was already 11.30pm. So we stayed there for a bit with the friends, took a couple of pictures and went back to the hotel we were staying for the night to celebrate my bella's birthday.

Trying to act sexy...LOL

My moza

Rebelle

My bestfriend and i

My new year's eve date

Loveliness

My dress rode up high! You can totally see my pantyhose.

My darling and i

Two of the people i love and me

Baby boy and baby girl

Don't let the hideously smeared appearance of the cake fooled you, it tasted so good!!

Fireworks at empire

My boyfriend

p/s: Baby, you gave me my new year's kiss and i love it.

Wedding on NY's eve

2010-01-09T12:32:00.009+08:00

Bf's cousin wedded on New year's eve at ICC..

Future family ku

The aunty and i

Syuib and ian

Future sisters-in-laws :P

Me me me :D

My soon-to-be mama mertua and his son

My soulmate

Baby boy again. :)

Baby boy with the sisters and aunt

The arrival of the guests

Do you think i look cute? i do, right? aahahah

My bf and i

Alai sarah and i

Bf's cousins and i

C-kambang. Oh wait it's just me. Lol

The groom

Guests

Bf's granny

Me again.

Bf's cousins,azyan,nurul and i.

The groom and the bride

The bride

p/s: Baby said he's going to marry me one day. :D

Happy 2010!

2010-01-07T11:26:00.004+08:00

Happy 2010 everyone! I haven't been able to blog. I have been super busy with family gatherings up here and i was sick for a couple of days :( Boohoo!

So it's a new year. So like every other new years, i have to make a fresh start. My fresh start usually involves setting new goals. For instance, in 2009 i created a few goals which many of it involved a lot of things I no longer have in my life now, so I'm taking a big fat eraser and starting over with new ones. *sigh* 2009 was clearly a year of ups and downs. I fell in and out of love, lost a few locks of hair and not to mention a few friends. But going forward I'm setting a few goals I hope to reach in 2010.

1)Take better care of myself.

Moment of realisation was when i found out that my bf's hands and feet are smoother than mine! Total bummer. I've promised myself to floss religiously, use moisturisers and lotion to achieve that smooth baby's butt skin. :D

2)Re-work my wardrobe

I seriously need to revamp my wardrobe and i need to be more fashion-wise. My wardrobes is in serious need of more colours. I have too much black and dark-colour items!

3)Be a better girlfriend to my boyfriend

I've been awfully mean towards him lately. I find myself getting into fights with my boyfriend about the way I treat him. Sometimes I’ll catch myself trying to 'top' him with comments. He says I never let him win one. I just can't help it. I just like challenging other people. So i've promised to myself that i'm going to be less critical and judgemental with him. A failed relationship is the last thing i want right now. And i love him. I truly do. So i have to make it right. I think i just have to take a lot of deliberation,concentration, a hell lot of tongue-biting and be more considerate.

4)Be a better friend to my bestfriends

I feel like ive been taking them for granted. Especially my bestfriend moza who has been there for me since form 3. Ive done some pretty harsh things to her but she stood by me. I lost a friend because i took her for granted so i promised myself that i would never let that happen to my bella.

5) Be a better driver

Ok, so i'm 21 and i'm ashamed to admit that i can't drive yet. My boyfriend said he has come to terms that i'm just not the driving type and i like to be drove around like i'm some kind of princess. Oh i'm so going to prove him wrong... soon.

I think even more important than the goals we set for ourselves are the lessons we learn. So here, in addition are a few lessons I learned in 2009.

1) Being in love and happy can make you happy and FAT!

2) When given second chances in life, we have to really make use of the opportunity.

3) People are not what they seem to be. One day they could be angels, the next day they could be monster of terrors.

4) Love is blind!

5) Everything happens for a reason. So when you broke up with an ex, don't feel too bad... god just wants you to be with someone better...someone more deserving.

6) What's worse than a jealous girlfriend? A psychotic insecure jealous girlfriend!

5) Some people are just plain pathetic and insecure. No matter how hard you try to be friendly and nice to them, they just won't quit bitching.

6) In order for you to be truly happy, you need money. Who says money can't buy happiness?

7) People can change for someone they truly truly love. Look at me. I'm a living proof.

p/s: I love you to the max syg

Rebelle 2009

2009-12-31T10:35:00.023+08:00

My hair also changes by time...Long hair in 2009 and short bob hair in 2010. :D

To say that 2009 has been quite an exciting year is an understatement. In the last twelve months alone, I have experienced a variety of emotions gone through a whole gamut of experiences, fallen in and out of love, achieved and failed on some things and lost friends and gained some new ones. 2009 was definitely a year of Ups and downs. Today, only a day before the year officially comes to an end, I am listing down a few of the blog posts that have defined my life in the last twelve months.

January- Good month it was. I managed to write quite a number of posts during the month. I wrote my New Year goal post and swore that i get each of the goals done, which i did. I also won the battle of overcoming my phobia of swallowing pills and wrote about it in my 'I'm not a baby anymore' post.

February- It was a month of good friends, good times and great memories. All about dancing, Feat-d etc performance. Cousin’s wedding. Yes, it was all about pictures.

March- Blog went on a short hiatus. Heartbroken. Announced single-ton. Reading my March post entitled 'Rebelle is back and very single.' brings back so many memories... really bad memories. Everything that month remains a blur.

April- Introduced my new boyfriend to the blog world with the post 'The start of something new'. Looking back, I know i made the right choice. Then. i wrote another post on how the new bf is better than the last one in the post 'So how am i doing after the breakup'. Reading from the post, i can still detect abit of resentment there. I announced my 1st monthsary with my current bf. Wrote a post "What they're saying about me" about how much i enjoyed tutoring and teaching. Oh and i was feeling extremely bitter towards someone that i wrote about her in my 'I'm going to cut you' entry. Then i encountered problems with the haters in Bad comments-should i kill them off or not?

May- Someone called me a gold-digger, so i discussed about it in the Self-proclaimed GOAL digger post. Then there was my first post declaring my love towards the bf 'i love you my baby bubin'.Yes, i was caught in a whirlwind of romance. I turned 21 and posted the entry 'happy birthday to me 5/5' about the birthday countdown celebration.

June- I really wanted long hair so i got my hair extensions and showed it off in the 'Hate me, loathe me, despise me...i don't give an effing rat ass' entry. I wrote about how people always bring up the religion topic in the post 'Oh god, i'm choking. Oh wait it's just religion. Stop shoving it down in my throat you arse'. Oh and i almost got sued for exposing the dirty titbits of some people in brunei. Lol. Yes, believe it or not, someone actually threatened to sue me because of the content of this blog. A dress of mine which i posted in a previous entry in April also became a famous topic among the readers, so i lashed back in my 'You talking shit' entry.

July- The death of Michael affected me. Payed my tribute to the icon in the 'Remembering michael' post. I acted abit bitchy and nosy in the post 'You can pretend but you can't fool anyone'. On my blog’s first year anniversary, I wrote an entry entitled 'happy birthday my dear blog, you are 1+ year old'.

August- talked about my brown authentic malay nipples in the 'My nipple are brown, pink or black?' post. The month was a busy month of dance practises for the MJ dance tribute. Then there was that one time when some idiot photoshopped my picture and i responded back by writing the 'Apparently i'm a nude model' post.

September- It was all about Hari Raya. Raya pictures. I also celebrated 'my first video' on youtube. One of my more popular posts, 'Five trends that i absolutely refuse to follow' made its grand blog debut that month. I was so surprised that it became such a hit considering I only wrote it for a short time.

October- And because this was written from the heart, 'clean the air' is still one of my most favourite posts of the year. I declared a break from blogging in one of my post. I went on a month of internet hiatus because i needed to prioritize my Uni work.

November- No blogging. Only posted one post to greet my 7 monthsary with the boyfriend. Busy with exams and Uni life.

December- My comeback post 'rebelle is back to entertain you with all her nonsense' marked my return to the blogging world. I started dancing again. I found out i have PMDD so most of the posts i wrote was on PMS. One of the posts was about 'the crappiness of being a girl.' I also seemed to be more involved with my romantic emotions at the time because some of my posts were boyfriend-centered.

Looking back, 2009 was both cruel and kind. This year brought out the best and worst in me, the sweetest and the most bitter belle. 2010 is just around the corner and I do not know what the future holds for Belle and her blog. All I know is that this blog still serves it purpose and will continue to exist for you, for me and for anybody and everybody who cares.

P/s: Baby, you are my 2010, 2011, 2012..... and then we die. LOL

Love makes everything better for me

2009-12-29T00:49:00.004+08:00

For at least the last ten years of my life, i've been judged for being boy-crazy and too co-dependent. Believe it or not, i haven't really been truly single since my first real boyfriend when i was still in my lower secondary (and before that i had those puppy-love 'boyfriends') and most of my relationships have been 'serious'(at least for the guys' part). In between those, i always had something to fall back on or keep me entertained...be it flings, guy friends with crushes on me or rebounds. When i am 'single', i'm always looking and i always have someone by my side. Some people may find it pathetic to exert this kind of need for male attention. Yes, i will be the first to admit, i do enjoy it and probably require more of it than the next girl. But i'm done with feeling 'guilty' about it... i've come to terms with the fact that i am just not the single girl type but i don't think that makes me any less independent or smart. I just so happen to base my life around love. So it only makes sense that i have constantly been searching for the right love. No matter how many wrongs i've done and how many times i've gotten hurt, i can't seem to stop myself from 'searching'.

If you throw away all the bullshit for all seriousness, what really makes me happy in life is having that ONE true love whom i can go steady with, someone to snuggle & cuddle with, call up at any time and talk about my day, to have my meals with and laugh with, that knows me and understands me and loves me for everything that i am, have been and will be. To know that someone is thinking about me and caring about my well being every day, just as much as i am theirs. Someone who takes care of me when i am sick and spoils me like i'm a princess. Someone who kisses my cheeks and forehead and lovingly said 'Yatah, perempuan yang paling ku sayang ne' Yes, these are all the things that make everything else worthwhile.

And i've met that special someone who truly makes me happy.

My special someone and i on our 9 monthsary date.

p/s: Kau lah lelaki yang paling ku sayang didunia.

I love you my beyh love

2009-12-28T10:22:00.004+08:00

My 9 months boyfriend...... I love you

Such a beautiful day. Today is the 28th day of the month and this means baby and I are in our ninth monthsary as boyfriend & girlfriend. I'm excited! Yes i am!

p/s: I can't wait to see my sexy date tonight.

ETC shake shake

2009-12-23T00:55:00.005+08:00

The Eyeteaserz crew performed for this wedding thing in salambigar last friday. And who did you think mess up the dance the most? Me. lol. I was abit disappointed with myself because i screwed up during the very last part of the dance. If only there were more time for me to rehearse the dance, i would have probably nailed it. Oh anyway, there were games, poco-poco dances, live bands, dramas. And the food was simply delicious! i just had to say.

The video

Ihti, yas, wane & syaza

Etcrew

Pucker up

My bf and i

My baby love

One of my fav pictures of wane

Me again...getting ready

The girls

Yiena & Hashim

Me, wane & yiena on stage

Poco-poco dance

The crappiness of being a girl

2009-12-18T10:32:00.021+08:00

I love my boyfriend. I really do. One of the things that i love about him is that i can absolutely talk about anything with him. He can be quite opinionated on things and we always have fun chats on the most random topics. One of the topics we talked was about if any us wanted to be the opposite sex. We had so much to say on that little chat that i thought to share it with you guys. So here’s a nice summation of our discussion.

Me: Baby, if you were given a chance by god to change your sex and be a girl, will you do it?

Bf: Definitely no!

Me: Why not?

Bf: Being a guy is so much easier. Girls have so much responsibilities. And not to mention, the menstruation, PMS. Urgh. That is too much of a burden for a guy to carry.

Me: You know i will like you better if you were a girl. *guffaws*

Bf: Eh usulnya ahhh

Me: Hahahahahaha!

Bf: Do you want to be a guy?

Me: Nope.

Being a girl has it appeals and definitely has it downsides. Sure we get free treats to dinner and we get to wear pretty high heels and gowns but there are also a handful of things about being a girl that I absolutely cannot stand. And if I could somehow surgically remove those parts from myself I would have had that done ages ago. Think PMS, cramping, bloating and that ‘special gift’ once a month. Sounds, fun eyh?

PMS...it is the time of the month when we turn into raging monsters. We get insecure, depressed and clingier. No matter what we do or see, everything seem to tick us off. We sobbed uncontrollably. We picked on fights over things that you may find silly. And all of this because of the chemical imbalance in us.

And guys, don’t you dare tell us we can’t blame everything on PMS. Because we can. And we will. I’m irritated, because of PMS. Because I’m irritated, I might want to punch you in the face because of how crappy PMS makes me feel. I am constantly complaining about tummy and boob aches because of PMS. I need EXTRA loving and attention because of PMS. Just as you guys blame your perverted and sickening ways on the simple fact that you are dude, we blame our overly emotional and psychotic ways on PMS.

And that’s not all… Oh no. You think you guys are off the hook that easy? Tuck that tail between your legs and THINK AGAIN. Not only do girls have to bleed for 7 days of the month for every month and deal with the lovely side effects of menstruation, there are many more reasons why you should be easy on us.

Hair. We actually spend an infinite amount of time making sure it looks okay. Blow drying, curling, straightening, colouring, styling. You might respond, ‘but you don’t have to do all that...You look good eventhough your hair isn’t made up’. And yes, you are correct. So let’s consider for one small moment if we were to spend as much time on our hair as you do on yours. Hmm. You’d probably get something similar to this:-

Pretty… right?

Don’t even get me started on plucking and shaving. It is socially unacceptable for a girl to have a hair above their lips. Men have freedom of choice in this matter. Have you guys ever tried waxing your moustache? Let alone tweezing and plucking it?! Keeping our eyebrows in perfect shape is also beyond obnoxious. Have you seen how fast those hairs grow? If you can honestly tell me that you totally dig this girl… You are hereby excused from the eyebrow rant.

And shaving...the two only things you’ve got to worry about are your face and neck. We shave our armpits, our legs and our bikini areas. When we shave, our skin sometime gets very irritated and razor bumps developed. So alot of people have to pluck and wax. Why do we do all this? Well because we want to look good for you and so you don't feel like you're making out wit a caveman. It is actually very easy to step out and just forget about making ourself look flawless but i'm sure you might find those little hairs peeking out from our armpits truly disturbing.

I posted this dirty message on my facebook status the other day and said ‘I should get a brazilian wax...sian my boyfriend tepaksa makan bulu. LOL. ahahaaah’. And of course i meant it as a joke but one of my male friends commented on the status and said 'Panat. HAHA,eww! Lol.'. This got me thinking, why is it ok for guys to have bushes as thick as a jungle but it is considered an abomination for girls to keep a rather furry puss? Why has it become an ‘eww’ for girls to be hairy?

Enough said. So when we take longer in the bathroom to shave, you sure as hell better keep those perfectly kissable lips SEALED. If you’d like to run your hand across prickly stubble, then go ahead, rush us. When we take so long to get ready to go out, don’t get all freaked out, not unless you want us looking like this:-

Oh and peeing. The world is your frigging urinal. Full bladder on a long road trip? NO PROBLEM! Just whip out your baguette (or a stick which ever size is concerned) wherever and relieve your waters to your heart’s content. You do not need to worry about peeing all over your pants that are at your ankles or having a stream of urine run down your thigh. Nor do you have to worry about sitting on a toilet seat that has been splashed with another male’s urine. Nor do you have to worry about going to sit on the toilet and falling in because another guy didn’t think it convenient to put the toilet seat down. And lastly, you do not EVER have to worry about standing in a line to pee for over 10 minutes ever!

Speaking of bodily functions...farting and burping? Why does it seem to be 100 times more repulsive when a girl does these things? Who started that trend? Give me a break. I find it incredibly ridiculous that girls feel that they need to hold in their farts and suffer the inherent pains of doing so because it’s not ‘lady-like’. Please. If a guy does this, it’s half expected, and it’s still OK.

Guys, you have it easy because you do not have to worry about a computer repairman or any sort of repairman trying to charge you more than something’s worth.

You can sit with your knees in separate counties no matter what you’re wearing.

If you’re a guy, wrinkles and gray hair adds character. If you’re a female, cursed be your name if you have a wrinkle and those gray hair.

So to all you girls out there working your butt off to look good for your guy, I give you a million and one gold kudos. You take so much ‘crap’ and yet you keep a smile on your face (most of the time, at least).

And to all the guys out there supporting and encouraging their female significant others to look good and be feminine, i have a few things to say to you:

You better darn well treat your girl like the ultimate queen-goddess divine that she is. If you’re going to marry her one day, she will frigging carry your child in her body for 9 months and then push it out of an opening the size of a pea after a traumatic 24 hours of intense labour pains. Worship the ground she walks on, men! If she wants authentic sushi, you grab your passport and fly to Japan to get her that glorified sushi! Tell her she looks beautiful every chance you get. Oh and if you guys are married, you better do helped her with the housechores without being asked. If she gets to deal with this hormone crap, you better have the decency to help, you pig.(this is what my mom actually said to my dad...word by word..lol). Kiss her on the forehead. It is seriously one of the sweetest things ever. Forehead kisses. Pure sweetness. Oh, and surprise her with little gifts on occasions. All girls secretly love surprises and cute little gifts eventhough they don't want to admit it. Yes,just do it.

So have i made my point clear? So I highly suggest that you go to the flower shop in Gadong and buy your wonderful girl her favourite flowers right now. She deserves them. Then kiss her and tell her how much she means to you. Go!

Oh, and sorry about the intense cynicism of this post. I blame it on PMS. Deal with it.

p/s: Baby,i'm your queen,right? So the queen demands some loving now. or else....

Field trip

2009-12-11T08:29:00.015+08:00

The geology & petroleum students of UBD had a Geology field trip last semester...just before the exam. Everyone had been looking forward for it for weeks, except for me because i've never been so much of an outdoorsy person. I can't even remember the last time i went out in the sun. So the morning of the trip we learned all the things that we should know about sediments and how natural structures were formed from the sediments. We went to two places, meragang and berakas beach.

Throughout the day i took plenty of pictures and made sketches in my field notebook. Everyone really seemed dedicated to their field study. Overall, the day was pretty successful and i felt like i had made an achievement as i managed to go through all that despite the HOT temperature. The only thing i hated about the field trip was all that walking and hiking we had to do. I was kind of surprised by how challenging the trip turned out to be, both physically and mentally. I don’t think I realised how tough and exhausting the day would be, but I am pleased that I did it.

Oh oh and another thing that i really despised about the trip was the pesky mosquito bites. God i really hate those itchy little blighters! I had over one hundred macabre mosquito bites on my arms from the trip. Ok, ok it's not a hundred but it was well over 20 and that is still a pretty big number! So the one thing i've learned from the field trip is that a long-sleeved shirt and trousers can be the ultimate mosquito repellent. And i vow to never ever wear short-sleeved shirt again when i venture into the wilderness next time. I wanted to take a picture of my mosquito ravaged arms and post it up in this blog, but afraid that you all might start feel itchy after looking at the images. Lol.

Anyway, do you guys know that Brunei was once under the sea? Just thought you all should know about it.

I came early at Fos, so i toured around the faculty and took a picture of the faculty's board which has my picture on it. ahaha. Yes, vain. I know.

In the bus

I'm always online. Even during my field trip. Thanks to my mini laptop and broadband.

Heading to the site. We had to do alot of walking!

Studying the specimens

My lecturers

Dr el-ghalli explaining and giving a lecture

Yes, it was scorching hot!

Studying the cliffs

We found a jellyfish. I've never seen one before so i was really sakai about this one.

The lecturer giving instructions to the students.

We had to pass through wildbushes to reach our destination

On top of the cliff

The day work

Studying the surface of the cliff

Group photo

Oh yeah... a sign of our love, marked on the sand. Geology rocks!

Me in the middle. With the geology mates.

Here is a crazy moving picture of us.

p/s: I'm a mosquito magnet but baby, i'm a magnet to you too.

Feat-D's bbq potluck

2009-12-09T09:47:00.011+08:00

Feat-d had a potluck bbq planned at muara beach a couple of weeks ago that got rained out, but the food was already halfway prepared so we moved the party to zayn's place. I had so much fun, it was the perfect way to blow off some steam before the exams started. We also played charades,truth or dares and some dancing games. It was siuk!

My baby

Yaya & her boy

Feat-D at muara beach

Zayn & i

Feat-d's chicas

Waiting for the bbq setup to get ready

Naz ngacau me when i was doing my assignment

In the middle of the fun, i still had to finish up my assignment.

The girls & zayn.

My boyfriend and i

Mamam

Group-photo

Cam-whoring

Imitating the lady gaga move

Eeeks!

Mwah!

Making funny faces tpi it turned to be cute plng.

Dancing and posing for the camera

Zayn, me & ramzan

p/s: Mau love love baby ah.

UBD's gala night part 2

2009-12-08T09:46:00.006+08:00

Oh what a night it was. Too chaotic. I didn't really get to enjoy it so much because i was too busy running around, getting ready for the show and i spent most of the time backstage.

The poster

The hall

Party

People having fun but i didn't.

My girls and i

Feat-d after the show

My date whom i'm very much in love with.

Kiss kiss my date

Oh i love you my boyfriend!

Sian my baby. I could only be with him after the show ended

We're good for eachother, right?

Khalil & me

Eams, his friends and me

Sia,me & daym zayn ku.

Me again

My bestfriend and i. I miss u girl!

Three pictures taken form cibui brunei

UBD's gala night part 1

2009-12-07T10:19:00.010+08:00

Some pictures taken from Jayden sia & Cibui brunei

Korean Culture Competition

2009-12-06T03:50:00.006+08:00

I was skeptical about us winning at first but god was on our side this time. Anyway, I love you feat-d!

A short video of the dance. You can check out the full version at my youtube channel

Check out the dance club's bloghttp://feat-d.blogspot.com

Cam-whores

Feat-D's modern dancers

My bella was there to celebrate our winning.

Group photo

Jump for victory! yayy!

Hamper is bigger than me. Ahaa

My baby and i

Oh i love you baby!

The love of my life

p/s: You dance with my heart,love.

Halloween 2009

2009-12-02T14:42:00.009+08:00

Jack-o-lantern

Ok, so this is a long overdue post. Halloween wasn’t so big this year. My boyfriend and i went to this small party the night of Halloween and i actually had fun. They had the living room made into a dance floor, the settings were awesome and for the food and drinks, they had like a Halloween-themed for every single thing. Yes, everything was either black or red. Everyone was so nice and they really made sure i feel welcomed. For once in my life, i feel like nobody was ganging up on me. You know that feeling when you go to a party and there will be this group of girls around the corner who wouldn’t stop staring at you and you can tell that they’re talking some shitty stuff about you. So yea, i didn’t get any of that. No cattiness of such. Everyone was being such a good sport.

I didn't know what the thing is supposed to be, but it looked kinda spooky in the dark.

So, the dance went until morning. I didn’t dance that much tho. I spent most of the time lounging on the sofa, talking with few of the people there. Wow, i’ve really grown up. Usually i would be the first to hit the dance floor. Now, i don’t feel the need to show off my dancing anymore. Ahahah. Some of the costumes people were wearing were quite hilarious and cool. There were some nurses, witches, werewolves and ALOT of vampires. My boyfriend and i didn’t get to wear anything special for Halloween because....well... we’re two boring lame-ass people. Ahaaha.. nada lah.. we didn’t managed to find anything cool to wear.

My boyfriend and his friends

I actually wanted to dress up as a Barbie doll but looked everywhere for a blonde wig but couldn’t find one. So i went to the ‘angel n devil’ costume shop in Serusop but nothing they have fitted me. Every single costume that i tried on looked hideously frumpy on me. So i decided to make my own costume. I thought i was creative enough to come up with something but i couldn’t. I guess my creativity glands were just out of order that time. So i looked up to the internet for inspirations. Not long, i changed my mind and wanted to be a geisha girl after watching a video tutorial by Michelle Phan. Then i changed my mind again when i saw another video of her emulating a sexy vampire look. After so many changes and one shopping day left until i am relegated to dress up as a French maid for the third year in a row, i gave up in the end and decided that i’m not going to wear any costume at all for the night.

People dancing

Anyway, did u guys celebrate Halloween last time? Oh if u are going to give me the answer ‘Oh we’re muslims, we’re not supposed to celebrate Halloween...blablabla’. Fuck you, don’t bother replying. It’s not so much about celebrating the occasion. To me, Halloween is all about dressing up and having fun. There’s no harm in dressing up and dressing up is fun. Right..right..right?

Spooky fun

Anyway I guess that’s all.

Me riding a broom

p/s: Baby, turn me into a vampire..i want to be yours forever. I am after all, bella swan:P

8th months baby

2009-12-02T04:01:00.006+08:00

Always and forever baby. Happy 8th monthsary.

28/11/09

p/s: You fill the void inside me.

Rebelle is back to entertain you all with her nonsense

2009-12-01T09:16:00.002+08:00

Hey, i'm back! I'm not on hiatus anymore. *Squeals and hops around with joy*. Did you all miss me? Well,judging from the traffic that I still receive from this blog leads me to believe that, one or two of you do! Well in case you were wondering, I’ve missed you too. :D

Assignments and exams have kept me from any sort of social interaction either real or virtual.(ok this is half true... i still tweet every now and then). I just had an extremely busy month. Sorry guys. But hey at least here i am and hopefully should be back to blogging regularly.

Ive got a couple of entries to post but seeing as I'm a world-class procrastinator, that might not be too soon. So till next time. Taaa

p/s: Baby i love you.

Happy 7th Monthsary B love!

2009-11-01T08:15:00.004+08:00

I'm still on hiatus but just a quick shout out to the love of my life...Mohd Zainol Bubin. I love you, i love you, i love you and always will. Happy 7th monthsary syg.

p/s: Can't wait to dance with you baby. eehehe.

I need an internet break

2009-10-19T10:25:00.009+08:00

Intensive hardcore studying starts tomorrow! 20/10.

Exam is like....what..in 3-4 weeks time? So i will be on hiatus for quite a while, i won't be updating this blog that much... not unless i can't resist the seduction of writing. :P

But i have to discipline myself. I need to focus on my studies now. Yes yes, i already have my big daily schedule printed out and hopefully nothing will mess up with my revision time.

You also might have already noticed that my postings were quite infrequent over the past few weeks. Well sadly it is going to be the state for the next 33 days(?) as well.

I'll try posting something fun from time to time whenever possible but no promises. There might be some pictures or videos. But that's just about it. Nothing more.

So i'm hoping to catch up with all of you when i get back. Assuming that you're not on internet hiatus as well. Lol.

You can still check out my twitter posts for updates. My twitter is like my mini-blog lah.

Oh oh oh and of course i have something sweet to reply back to YOU. I just like to keep you waiting for it. :)

p/s: I always have time for you baby. I cinta you.

Baby's 23rd birthday celebration countdown

2009-10-18T07:16:00.009+08:00

My baby turned 23 last 14/10! So we had a small birthday countdown thingy to celebrate his 23rd. Few of his closest friends were also there to celebrate the event. Well, i got to tag along with them since i'm the girlfriend. So we had our supper at the arch(one of baby's favorite place), then we went to arena to play pool.

p/s: Nanti buat bday party ok syg. mwahh

Happy 23rd birthday to my sayang baby badud

2009-10-17T07:58:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY Baby Gnol!

14/10/09

My birthday boy,
I wish you everything in life that’s good and siokkk! :p I wish you to be happy, loved, in good health, blessed and great, as you already are and more! Baby,thank you for filling my life with fun, excitement, happiness and laughter. And thank you for putting up with me, you sweet sexy boyfriend. Ehehe. Happy birthday. Very many happy returns. I love you forever.

P/s: Do u want me to get into my birthday suit tonight? ahahaha. J.k. Dont get your hopes too high.

Open love letter to the enemies

2009-10-10T08:58:00.006+08:00

Dearest enemy,

I understand my existence to you gives you so much life and reasons to do and make all the absurd statements and behaviours that you give. How lonely and without purpose you would be without my breath or without my presence and obvious apathy for your favour.

You are my unofficial long time narrator. Continuing to tell my story over and over to whoever will listen to your nonsense...to whoever thinks that you’re a creditable source of exaggerated and modified bullshit. I understand, i keep your mind stimulated and motivated to come up with things that you think may hurt me and piss me off. I don't blame you for getting your vitality out of my lifestyle and out of my personal decisions.

You are so generous with the energy that you give me, how could i ever be upset with your attention? I am worth thousands or even millions at the thought of your fascination on my downfall. How miserable it must be to be consumed with negative thoughts of someone you don’t even really know...someone who just won’t go away? Because it’s clear that i won’t just go away. You are always there for me, even if it's in the shadiest of intentions. I know you will never go away, you’re devoted and i see you, i see your efforts. And this is my sincerest love letter to you.

Dear enemy, you are my inspiration to keep you bemused. Let’s fight the good fight because none would be complete without a villain. Without someone to come for me, challenge me and give me all the free publicity that my face can buy. I know you’re always watching, so i try to put on my very best show. I try to give you all the ammunition you need, yet you still shoot blanks?

The game wouldn't be fair without an opponent and in my case...it's opponents. Your hatred for me comes from the heart, it’s real and genuine and its origin is ‘love’. So get back to your roots, enemy. There are times i might actually see you face to face but we know this seems unlikely, since you are so obviously behind me.

Sincerely yours forever,

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

P/s: Baby, you're my enemy jua whenever you make me feel upset. :P

Clean the air

2009-10-09T00:31:00.002+08:00

Ok something has to be said. A while back i received this cbox message from some hater who said ‘Hai belle.. Ive seen ur porn video that uve made with another guys in the past few years’. Sorry to break this to you but I’ve never made a mother-fucking god damn homemade porn video. You disappointed? I’m not stupid enough to get a phone camera and let someone take a video when I’m on it. Things like that should be kept as private as possible. Not to be put out there in the open. I may come across as being slutty to you...but really, why would i do such a thing? Just to be cool? Just to be sexy? Just to feel more empowered? Or is it just because you think I’m plain ‘slutty’? The video was neither cool nor sexy. And I don’t think it’s self-empowerment at all. Slutty? Well i’m not retarded. I’m not retarded enough to let someone record a spirited session of boning on the camera phone and let the guy hold onto the video.

I’m not writing this to justify myself, i just want to clear the air about the video and primarily because it wasn’t me in the video. If it was me, i would have just let you say fuck up shit about it. But that video wasn’t mine. And i find it pretty insulting when people think I’ve done such and such when really... i haven’t done anything! If it was me, i would have own up to it. I’ve done some pretty stupid things in my life, but this is definitely not one of them!

For all of you who never heard of the tale, I’m going to let you know my side of story. While back when i was in my sixth form, there was this rumour about a homemade porn video which people thought to be mine. When i first heard the buzz, i was at the locker room doing my normal student-ly thing. My then-boyfriend came barging towards me, banged the door of my locker so loud and yelled ‘why would you do such a thing!’ I was completely taken aback by his violent beastly act. Not having any idea what he was talking about, he showed a video in his phone to me. It was a video of a girl in her drawers giving head to some guy. The video was taken sideway...so all you could see was the side of her face. The video wasn’t clear(taken by a VGA camera-phone i assume) because it was all blurry and dark(taken in a semi-dark room). In his word, the person in the video looks quite similar to me. My reaction? Well let’s just say the whole building can hear my blood-curling scream. I tried to convince him that it wasn’t me in the video. I told him ‘hey look at her... that couldn’t be me. She is awfully skinny. I’m thin but i’m not that skinny. And look at those boobs... That certainly COULD NOT be me’. After some time, i finally managed to convince him. When he calmed down, i asked him ‘Where do you get this video and does everyone think I’m in the video?’ He said ‘My friends showed it to me and yes, the whole school knows’. So i took the video and kept it. I went home and showed it to my parents. When my mom saw the video, she only said ‘She doesn’t even look like you’. My mom then showed the video to my dad and all he gave in response was a shrug, and then went back to his sleep. You see, not even my parents believed it was me. And of course none of my closest friends and cousins believed it was me. It was all a fib.

This video has affected me alot. It had cost me some few relationships,friendships and also my sanity. Because I’ve been so scarred so much by this, I’m just going to reveal the name of the ACTUAL girl. The name of the girl in the video is Nana. She was dating the guy she was doing it with in the video when the video was circulated. She used to hang out at Weststreet cafe. But now, my friends never saw her anymore. She is now pretty non-existent. The name of the guy in the video is Hisham. He was my senior back in MD. That’s what I’ve been told by people. I’ve never talked with the guy in person, much less be with him in a 10 meter foot radius.

You know, i was never the religious type, but if i was asked to swear in front of the holy book of Quran to justify my innocence, i would do it in a heartbeat. And to all you haters out there who kept insisting that it is me in the video... well you’ve got alot of apologising to do. Let god deal with you in the afterlife(if you still believe in such thing). Like what that quran stated ‘Memfitnah itu lebih besar dosanya daripada membunuh’. That is something to think about yeah?

p/s: If anyone still has the video, i would like to have it please. So i could post it here in the blog. :)

2nd p/s: I'm your pornstar baby...Lol

Raya raya raya 2009

2009-10-07T13:51:00.013+08:00

Some more random hari raya pictures. I don't remember when it was taken.

Oh this was during my open house. Not many pictures taken because everyone was so busy.

p/s: Cinta cinta eh baby ku.

6 months and still loving you.

2009-10-06T14:21:00.008+08:00

Baby, i'm so sorry it took me about a week to make this monthsary post. You know it yourself, i've been hella busy. Hari raya has consumed alot of my time. So here's a little video to make it up for everything. I love you my syg and happy late 6 monthsary baby.

About the video, i might have to redo it again.

p/s: I want nobody but you...only you baby.

Third day of Hari raya

2009-09-26T10:51:00.016+08:00

I didn't take that many pictures. So the colour theme of the day was freestyle. We went to tutong to visit my relatives, then around late afternoon we went back to bandar to do some more raya-ing with the cousins who came all the way from belait. It was a whole lot of fun.

Me and the love of my life

p/s: Cinta you love!

Second day of Hari raya

2009-09-25T13:17:00.015+08:00

Second day was even better than the first. Family wore orange on the day except for two of my sisters because the dress-maker couldn't finish their baju raya in time. Oh anyway,i got to beraya with one special person....my lovely bf! :P

I wore this feathery false eyelashes and realised that i looked like an absolute abomination, so i took it off. I also untied my hair because i've been told that i looked better when i let my hair down.

Goldilocks melayu. Lol

Gosh i love those big round eyes. So cute!

My bf joined us in the evening and he wore orange too! :P

p/s: Babyku, you look so HANDSOME when you wear baju cara melayu.

First day of Hari raya

2009-09-24T08:04:00.014+08:00

The start of the day was rough in our house. Seriously,it was off-the chart sucky. My morning was hurried and stressful and I didn't get to do my hair. I ended up crying because i didn't really get to do anything with my hair because we were already late for my nannas' open houses. So the morning started off with our usual bersalam and minta- maaf session. Then there were some picture-taking. The whole family wore purple that day. I swear i felt like barney. Lol. Then we were off to tutong.

When we reached my nanna's place at tutong, we were greeted by an amazing feast. Almost all of my relatives from my dad's side were there. I chose to have a good time despite some uncomfortable situations and past arguments that happened with some cousins. Well, this one particular cousin wasn't there, so i didn't really get the chance to 'talk' to the person. Believe me, i had a whole 'speech' prepared for him/her.

After tutong, we went to my other nanna's place(mom's side) in lumut. All of the relatives were there. All of the male cousins went to the burial site to pay their respect to the mulahs. We stayed at lumut the whole afternoon amd i spent the whole time torturing the little cousins.

Then we went to aunty mot's(my mom's closest sister) place and stayed there for a bit. Food was superb and i couldn't stop eating the bubur pedas. Then there were some more of the picture-taking.

To end the day, we went to aunty antik's place. So how was my first day of hari raya? Well it was ok. It's good seeing the rest of the family who i don't see often. I mean we really rocked the raya celebration with good bonding time with the relatives.

P/s: My love,selamat hari raya. Minta maaf me slalu buat salah arah baby. I love you.

Not fond of the over-sized cotton buds and the plastic cup

2009-09-18T09:13:00.018+08:00

First off, I’m having my period right now which explains why i decided to write a post on menstruation. Oh menstruation, that lovely monthly gift also called the period. It’s the time of the month when we feel the least comfortable...tummy cramps, zits, sore breasts and all that BLOOD.

When i first got my period back when i was ten, all i ever knew was those diaper-like pads that my mom would ask my dad to buy from the convenient store whenever she’s having her ‘datang kain’( a term we use when we’re having our period). For ten years, i wore them, cringing at the smell of dried blood staring at me every time i removed the red sea off my panties.

But it was when i was sixteen that i heard there’s another alternative to those pads. Tampons. Yes tampons. I heard that they are easier, but i'm still afraid to try them out. And you don’t get many of them sold here in Brunei except at guardian. I’ve always think that my mom is one of the most open-minded Bruneian (old?) adults to talk with...be it about sexuality and matters of the world. But as open-minded as she is, tampons are still a big no-no to her. She was never warm to the idea of sticking a thing which looks like a miniature version of a penis into the womanly-hole. I guess she still have that crudeness in her, no matter how hard she tried to be hip and trendy nowadays. Well i don’t actually have a real problem with tampons, I’m just afraid of using them because of my mom. So i would prolly never tried them out.

As i went you-tubing today, i stumbled across about a thing called the menstruation cup and i had no idea such a thing existed! As i read more articles about menstrual cups and how they're washable, reusable and can last up to twelve hours, i couldn't help but squirm in my seat.

You know, I can barely put a two inch piece of cotton up my vagina, much less a frigging plastic cup. Not to mention the idea of blood sloshing around back and forth in that cup inside of me. Twelve hours is a long time. Imagine how much blood would gather in that rubbery cup. It would be a great feast for a vampire. The handsome Edward Cullen will be so happy. Lol

But seriously, cleaning the menstrual cup would probably be a disgusting process I’d rather avoid. I prefer not to get any blood on my fingers. And imagine if you had to empty/wash it in a public restroom. And when you get alot of stares from the rest of the other restroom users, you say "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just rinsing out my menstruation cup". Now that would be awkward!

Despite my dislike with pads, i much prefer that than wearing a cotton bud or putting a rubber cup inside me.

Diapers, for the win.

P/s: Baby wadud, me slalu marah2 arah baby klu me menses. Sorry and i love you.